It's an awesome feeling to have the women (and sometimes men) you love the most come together in one place weeks or months before the wedding to shower you love and gifts—some of which you picked out yourself. But pulling together a seamless bridal shower takes planning and foresight, and that requires a host at the helm. We explain who traditionally hosts this pre-wedding party, and what to do when no one steps up to the plate.
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host.
It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts. Since a shower is all about asking people to bring gifts, it was thought to be gauche if a bride's family were essentially bidding for presents. But if they were secretly hosting, meaning they did the planning and the paying, their identities weren't revealed–and the bridal party was usually called upon to fake being the hosts. Now, though, it's fine for Mom or a sister to plan and host the event.
How to Ask Someone to Host a Bridal Shower
What should a bride do if no one has offered to host a shower? Even though you know no one is obligated to give you one, you're disappointed (and it may especially hurt if you've thrown showers for other people).
First, consider that there may be a surprise shower in the wings. But if you're sure that's not the case and, as time goes on and still no word or sign, you've got to be brave and ask your maid of honor to throw you one. If she's hesitant because it's a money issue and the bridesmaids are strapped for cash, ask your mom or mother-in-law if they are willing to host a shower for you. (You may have to explain the modern etiquette of mom-as-host to them.)
Hosting Your Own Bridal Shower
Although the idea of hosting your own shower—where you can execute your vision down to the last detail—may be appealing, it's generally a no-no, as it comes off as asking for gifts.
Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?
The host plans and pays for the bridal shower. When multiple hosts are enlisted for the duty, they should share the costs of hosting, which also lightens up the financial responsibility put on any one person.
Does the Bride-to-Be Have a Say in the Planning Process?
If asked for your input, it's acceptable to offer ideas or suggestions. Otherwise, sit back and allow your host to plan your shower. With your wedding on the horizon, you likely have enough on your plate.
What to Do After You Choose a Bridal Shower Host
When someone agrees to host your shower, don't expect a big blowout of a party. Actually, why don't you suggest a low-key, informal affair in someone's backyard? They don't even have to serve a meal—it could be a ladies' tea theme with cupcakes and cookies and a variety of hot and cold teas. The whole point of a shower is some pre-wedding girl bonding—and you can do that over a simple tray of vanilla cupcakes just fine.
No matter the scale of your bridal shower, there are a few etiquette rules that stand the test of time. Promptly send invitations with all the details ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. Then, show gratitude to your guests by sending thank-you notes out within 48 hours and up to a month after your shower.
FAQs
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
Whose responsibility is it to throw a bridal shower? ›
When it comes to the question “who hosts a bridal shower,” the most popular answer is usually the maid of honor. One of the most important maid of honor duties is leading the charge to plan the bridal shower, from choosing a venue to sending out bridal shower invitations, planning games to choosing favors.
Who is traditionally responsible for the bridal shower? ›
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary. Another modern trend is to make bridal showers gender inclusive.
Who is financially responsible for a bridal shower? ›
Although once upon a time it was expected that the bride's family would foot the bridal shower bill, modern society has changed the rules. Nowadays, the person (or people) hosting the bridal shower are responsible for covering the costs associated with the shower.
Does the mother of the bride throw the bridal shower? ›
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn't host the bridal shower (the maid of honor typically assumes the chief shower-planning role), however, your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration.
Who throws the bridal shower in etiquette? ›
Traditionally, the bridal shower was hosted by the maid of honor and bridesmaids, not the mother of the bride or her future mother-in-law. Why? Because an event being hosted by a bride's mother, mother-in-law, or any relatives made it appear as if the woman of honor and her family members were asking for gifts.
What is the mother of the groom responsible for? ›
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
Who should not throw a bridal shower? ›
Answer: Tradition says that a shower shouldn't be thrown by the bride's immediate relatives, including future in-laws, because it might give the impression that you're asking for gifts.
What is a normal budget for a bridal shower? ›
That works out at $300 to $800 for a 20-person party but can go as high as $150 per person or $3,000 for a 20-person shower. Based on these estimates and an average bridal shower guest list of 35-50 people, a reasonable budget for a bridal shower is between $350 and $7,500.
What is the mother of the bride responsible for? ›
A key mother of the bride task on the day of the wedding is to host the reception with the other parents. Take the time to chat to guests, thank them for coming, ensure everything is happening as it should be and just generally make sure the day is running smoothly.
In most cases, it's the mother of the bride's duty to help plan and pay for the bridal shower. Similar to the wedding budget, the to-be-weds' parents should expect to contribute financially if they want a say in the bridal shower details, like the guest list and venue.
Who should host and pay for a bridal shower? ›
According to standard etiquette practice, a bridal shower is paid for by the person hosting the event, who, in most cases, is the maid of honor. However, in today's modern-day age, it's becoming quite common for the bridal party, mother-of-the-bride, and even the bride to chip in depending on who can afford what.
What does the maid of honor pay for? ›
"We often see the maid of honor assist in covering the cost of the bridal shower (often in conjunction with a family member of the bride), covering her own costs and some of the costs of the bride for the bachelorette party (in conjunction with the rest of the bridesmaids), her own travel to and from the wedding, a ...
What should the mother of the bride not do? ›
So, a basic rule of wedding etiquette is that the mother of the bride should not outshine her daughter. So, don't choose gowns or dresses that would overpower the bridal gown. Also, try to avoid loud patterns that will overwhelm in photos and make you stand out from the rest of the wedding party.
Who is responsible for throwing a bridal shower? ›
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
What does the mother in law do for the bridal shower? ›
Typically, as per tradition, the mother of the groom will bring a gift for the bride to the bridal shower. It can be something small and thoughtful. However, if she cannot attend the shower the bride's side of the family hosts, maybe because of distance, she can host her own.
Are bridesmaids supposed to pay for a bridal shower? ›
According to standard etiquette practice, a bridal shower is paid for by the person hosting the event, who, in most cases, is the maid of honor.
Should a bride throw her own bridal shower? ›
Today, while it's still a faux pas for an engaged couple to throw their own shower, pretty much anyone else can host one. Family members frequently step in to host showers, especially when common sense dictates such a solution.
