Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.) This installment is from former New Orleans Bride Magazine’s etiquette columnist, Dee Lane.
Question: My soon-to-be sister-in-law wants to throw me a bridal shower, but my mother says family members (even ones who aren’t family yet) shouldn’t throw showers. Is this true? If so, why?
Answer: Tradition says that a shower shouldn’t be thrown by the bride’s immediate relatives, including future in-laws, because it might give the impression that you’re asking for gifts. Now, we all know that guests bring gifts to showers, and that any bride worth her salt is much more interested in spending time with friends and family, and having them get to know each other, than receiving a gift. Which is why these days it has become perfectly acceptable for a family member to host a shower.
Another shower trend is several people sharing the responsibility for the party. Often the maid of honor will throw a shower in conjunction with the bridesmaids, or a group of the bride’s mother’s friends will get together to share the cost and tasks. Regardless of who throws the shower, the host(s) and the bride should greet guests as they arrive.
These days brides will often have more than one shower. If this is the case, the hosts should consult each other to avoid inviting guests to more than one shower (the obvious exceptions to this are the bridesmaids, who should be invited to all of the showers, but not expected to attend).
As with almost everything about throwing showers, for every rule there is an exception, and while you should only invite people to the shower who are on your wedding guest list, the exception to this rule is the office shower. Though it isn’t usually possible to invite all of your colleagues to your wedding, they will most likely want to help you celebrate regardless.
The shower invitation is also an exception to the rule of not printing registry information; in fact, it’s the perfect place to do so. Ask your hosts to add a line at the bottom of the invitation after the relevant details that says something like: “Jane and John are registered at Amazon and Anthropologie.”
Throwing a shower is an exceptionally generous act, so while a handwritten thank-you note is acceptable (and necessary), you should also give the hosts a small gift, such as a gift certificate or a selection of little luxuries; matching your gift to the theme of the shower, if there is one, is a nice touch.
Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or emailMelanie@MyNewOrleans.com.
Save the datefor our June 2018 Bridal Show, June 12at the Hyatt Regency New Orleans.Click here for tickets and more information.
This article originally appears in theWinter 2018issue of New Orleans Bride.
FAQs
Often the maid of honor will throw a shower in conjunction with the bridesmaids, or a group of the bride's mother's friends will get together to share the cost and tasks. Regardless of who throws the shower, the host(s) and the bride should greet guests as they arrive.
Whose responsibility is it to throw a bridal shower? ›
When it comes to the question “who hosts a bridal shower,” the most popular answer is usually the maid of honor. One of the most important maid of honor duties is leading the charge to plan the bridal shower, from choosing a venue to sending out bridal shower invitations, planning games to choosing favors.
Who typically throws a bridal shower? ›
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary. Another modern trend is to make bridal showers gender inclusive.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
Can the mother of the bride throw a bridal shower? ›
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host. It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts.
Who is expected to give a bridal shower? ›
Traditionally, the bridal shower was hosted by the maid of honor and bridesmaids, not the mother of the bride or her future mother-in-law. Why? Because an event being hosted by a bride's mother, mother-in-law, or any relatives made it appear as if the woman of honor and her family members were asking for gifts.
Who is financially responsible for a bridal shower? ›
Although once upon a time it was expected that the bride's family would foot the bridal shower bill, modern society has changed the rules. Nowadays, the person (or people) hosting the bridal shower are responsible for covering the costs associated with the shower.
Should an aunt throw a bridal shower? ›
Just because you are the bride's aunt, you are not expected or required to pay for a bridal shower unless it's a tradition in your family. It is certainly appropriate for an aunt to host a bridal shower, but not required.
Should the groom's mother host a bridal shower? ›
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
Tombs says this event is generally hosted by the mother of the bride or the bride's closest friends. If the mother of the groom is very close with the bride, then she may feel as though it's her duty to pitch in, too.
What is the mother of the groom responsible for? ›
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
So, a basic rule of wedding etiquette is that the mother of the bride should not outshine her daughter. So, don't choose gowns or dresses that would overpower the bridal gown. Also, try to avoid loud patterns that will overwhelm in photos and make you stand out from the rest of the wedding party.
What does the mother in law do for the bridal shower? ›
Typically, as per tradition, the mother of the groom will bring a gift for the bride to the bridal shower. It can be something small and thoughtful. However, if she cannot attend the shower the bride's side of the family hosts, maybe because of distance, she can host her own.
What color to wear to your bridal shower? ›
It's traditional for the bride, or the couple, to wear white at the bridal shower. This also includes pastel shades, like blush or soft blue, that can be photographed as looking white. All other colors—like bold, bright colors and prints—are fair game.
Who is traditionally responsible for the bridal shower? ›
Who Pays for the Bridal Shower? According to standard etiquette practice, a bridal shower is paid for by the person hosting the event, who, in most cases, is the maid of honor.
Are bridesmaids supposed to pay for a bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
What is proper etiquette for throwing a bridal shower? ›
According to tradition, a shower shouldn't be thrown by the bride's immediate relatives, such as her mother, future mother-in-law, or sister, since it may leave an impression that they're asking for gifts. But this is changing and it's perfectly acceptable for a family member to host a shower these days.
What is the mother of the bride responsible for? ›
The mother of the bride plays the role of hostess, meaning you should spend some time greeting guests during the reception. Although there are exceptions, other wedding-day duties may include sitting at the parents' table and dancing with the father of the bride to help warm up the dance floor.
