Could something as simple as looking at a bird predict the success of your relationship?
The bird test has gone viral recently, with many people swearing it can indicate the success of your relationship - but what is the bird test based on, and can it actually tell you about your relationship?
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re passionate about helping you understand relationship trends and learn how to apply them to your real life. For over 15 years, we’ve helped our clients and community learn new tools and tips to thrive in their life and relationships.
After reading this article, you’ll know what the bird test is, the psychology behind the bird test, and three ways it can help improve your relationship.
What is the Bird Test?
The bird test is a relationship trend that originated on TikTok.
It’s based on the idea that the way your partner reacts to you speaking about something “unimportant” - like seeing a bird outside your window - can tell you a lot about your relationship.
While relationship trends often need to be taken with a grain of salt, there are some real psychological theories you can see in action with the bird test.
What is the Psychology Behind the Bird Test?
The bird test relates to the idea of bids in a relationship, which are attempts by one partner to make a positive connection with another partner.
A relationship bid can be seeking:
- Affection
- Attention
- Affirmation
Bids are a key aspect of Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships, and your partner’s willingness to accept your bids says a lot about your connection.
3 Lessons the Bird Test Teach You About Your Relationship
The way your partner responds to the bird test can tell you a lot about your relationship and teach you three ways to help strengthen your bond with your partner.
1. Pay attention
If the bird test tells us anything, it highlights the importance of simply being heard in a relationship.
When your partner is talking to you about something pressing or urgent, it can be easier to give them your full attention because you know you’ll need to give a response or make a decision.
But giving your full attention to seemingly unimportant conversations can really strengthen your relationship.
The bird test is a reminder to listen to what your partner is saying and give them your full attention when you’re together.
To help with attentive listening, try:
- Reflecting on what your partner says
- Building upon what they’re saying
- Asking open-ended questions
2. Reading between the lines
You don’t need to be a mind-reader in your relationship, and clear communication is important - but it’s equally important to understand that things aren’t always as simple as they seem.
For example, expecting your partner to react with excitement when you tell them about a bird isn’t just about the bird.
Dr. Gottman talks about minor bids for emotional connection - and when you’re asking your partner if they see a bird outside, you’re really asking them to pay attention to what you say.
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
The bird test is also an invitation for your partner to turn toward you instead of turning away.
Turning toward each other is a key component of the Gottman method, and it means you and your partner not only respond supportively to your bids for connection, but you also support each other during times of hardship.
If you struggle to turn toward each other, try asking these questions:
- Are there specific signs or cues you give when you need support or connection, and how can I better recognize and respond to them?
- Are there specific ways you prefer to connect or spend quality time together?
- How can I better support you when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed?
Could Couples Counselling Help Your Relationship?
The bird test can help you learn about where your strengths and weaknesses lie in your relationship.
If you’re struggling to connect and communicate with your partner, speaking to a couples therapist can help.
Next Steps for Healthy Relationships
After reading this article, you know what the bird test is and how it can help improve your relationship.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts. Over the past 15 years, we’ve helped thousands of clients build the loving and supportive relationships they deserve.
Register online to learn more about therapy at KMA, or take our free attachment styles quiz to learn more about how you think, feel, and act in relationships.
If you’d prefer to keep reading, check out these articles:
- How to Have a Real-Life Meet-Cute
About the Author
Emily Weatherhead has a Masters in Community Psychology from Wilfrid Laurier University, where her research focused on improving post-secondary student mental health. She is passionate about finding new ways to make mental health research more accessible and break down the barriers that prevent people from receiving mental health care.
