Your wedding day is one of the most anticipated days of your life. You spend months planning the big day and the excitement builds up until the day arrives.
It's not all fun and games though. Weddings can sometimes cause tension between you and your guests for various reasons, and the discussion around plus ones on your guest list is often one of these reasons.
It can be difficult to keep all of your guests feeling 100% happy and satisfied. You can't please everyone, and you don't have to, it's your day after all.
Here are some tips and tricks on how to say "no" to plus ones on your wedding website.
Choosing Which Guests Should Bring a Plus One
Choosing which guests get to bring a plus one to your wedding is a tricky task, but it's not just you, every couple goes through this difficult stage of the wedding planning process.
There are a few key things you need to take into consideration when deciding which guests should be allowed to bring a plus one.
The first is that you should have solid reasoning behind deciding who gets to bring a plus one and who doesn't, this will help you explain if anyone asks and may help narrow down the guest list.
Secondly, you don't need to invite their plus one because they invited yours to their wedding, make the choice based on what suits your budget and type of wedding.
Finally, give some consideration to the different types of guests that may want to bring plus ones. We'll go into this in a bit more detail below.
Making a decision based on facts rather than feelings will help you stand by your decisions and empathetically explain why you made them. Try using things like, how often you see or speak to them (or if you've met them at all), what your relationship with the guest or their partner is like, and what the impact will be if you don't invite them, to make your choice.
Consider Different Types of Guests
There are different types of guests at every wedding. Wedding etiquette dictates that there are some types of guests who should get the option of having a plus one.
Members of the couple’s immediate family, those in the bridal party, guests who won't know many people, and those who are married, engaged, or live together are generally the types of guests who you should allow to have plus one.
While this is standard etiquette, it is definitely not cut and dry. You know your guests and should take all factors into consideration when deciding. For example, your sibling may not want to bring a plus one. Use your discretion but try to be consistent and empathetic.
How to Nicely Say No Plus Ones
Make it Clear on the RSVP Card
Here lies your chance to efficiently and politely inform your guests whether they are allowed to bring a plus one or not.
There are a number of ways you can include it on your RSVP card. First and foremost, be careful about to whom you address the invitation. It sounds obvious, but there is some room for ambiguity. For example, rather than saying "You are invited to our wedding", address the invitation to the person by name.
This can be easy to ignore, so it is wise to add a little something extra. Adding the person's name next to a check box for attendance is a subtle way to handle it, or you could include something a little more obvious like "__ number of seats reserved in your honor."
Include it in the FAQs
The FAQs are a great place to explain things to your guests, without having to actually explain things to your guests.
Adding an FAQ on Plus Ones is an effective way to handle any questions guests have, and to provide your reasoning. They can look something like this:
“Q. Can I bring plus one to your wedding?”
“A. Unfortunately, we're on a tight budget and have limited space, so we simply can’t afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Plus ones are therefore by invitation only and we ask other guests to please not bring a plus one. Thank you so much for understanding!”
International Wedding Considerations
If you are having a destination wedding or are inviting guests who are traveling from overseas, a plus one is a thoughtful gesture.
Those traveling internationally are likely spending a lot of money on getting there and may want to make more of a vacation out of it. Having a plus one means that they will have someone to travel with and share accommodations with.
Evening-Only Wedding Guests
Having evening-only guests can be a simple solution to having plus ones. If you are planning on having a ceremony separate from the reception (for example, ceremony in the morning and reception later that day), you can let your guests know that attendance at the ceremony is by named invitation only, but plus ones are welcome at the reception.
Their Partner's Relationship With You
Think carefully about the relationship the plus one's partner has with you. If it is someone you are very close to, such as immediate family members or the bridal party, including a plus one is generally the right thing to do.
As a rule of thumb, if the partner of the plus one is important to you, it is a nice gesture to invite the person that's important to them.
Their Partner's Relationship With You
Think carefully about the relationship the plus one's partner has with you. If it is someone you are very close to, such as immediate family members or the bridal party, including a plus one is generally the right thing to do.
As a rule of thumb, if the partner of the plus one is important to you, it is a nice gesture to invite the person that's important to them.
Young Guests / Children
This one is a bit easier to apply a blanket rule to. You can simply say that you have opted for an adults-only wedding, or if you're inviting select children, you can simply say that children are by express invitation only.
The easiest way to do this is to address the invitation to the adults of the family only, which implies that children are not invited.
Consider the Consequences of Not Inviting Their Partner
Every action has a reaction. Give some thought as to what the consequences could be for not inviting someone's partner. If it is something that is going to ruin the friendship, it might be worth considering whether you can make space for one more.
Also, think about the guests and whether they'll be comfortable. They may know few others at the wedding, and having a companion could allow them to enjoy the event more than if they were to attend alone.
You don't want to have people that are important not attending because they feel too uncomfortable to do so.
When planning your guest list and deciding which guests can bring a named or unnamed plus one, it is helpful to establish some decision-making parameters, such as how close you are to the guest, the level of commitment their relationship is in, what your relationship with the plus one is like and what the impact will be if you don't invite them, to make your choice. It all comes down to who you want there to participate in your special day, and what your budget is, and hopefully these guidelines help you with what to say and how to say it on your wedding website.
