Even though modern couples are breaking wedding traditions left and right, there's one big-day convention that doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon: parents paying for at least a portion of the wedding. Though many couples do pay for some of the wedding today, it seems as though a hefty percentage of the ceremony and reception is still being financed by one or both sides of the family. According to the Brides American Wedding Study, parents cover anywhere between 35 and 42 percent of the cost of their children's weddings.
If you are following the rules of tradition, the bride's family is expected to bear the brunt of the expenses including the wedding dress, bridesmaids' gifts, the wedding planner or coordinator, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, photography, the groom’s wedding ring, music, any pre-wedding day meals for the wedding party and transportation and lodging for the bride's family and bridesmaids, as well as transportation for wedding guests, if needed. The groom’s family is traditionally responsible for the bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring(s), all groom attire, groomsmen gifts, boutonnières and corsages for appropriate wedding party and family members, the officiant's fee, the marriage license, rehearsal dinner costs and transportation and lodging for the groom's family and groomsmen.
If the two of you would like your parents' assistance, keep these tips in mind.
Start the Dialogue Early
Have a heart-to-heart conversation about the wedding and ask them outright: “How do you feel about contributing to the wedding?” or "How would you want to be a part of wedding planning?” This is clear and polite. Be mindful of their own financial situation—the last thing you want to do is have your parents take on an undue financial burden just to fund your dream wedding—and definitely don’t wait until the last minute when all the bills need to be paid. This should be a long-term conversation that starts early on in the wedding planning process.
Be Specific
Once you have a clear idea of what needs to be paid for, based on contracts you've signed with your venue(s) and vendors—which should fall in line with your pre-established wedding budget—be really specific about what you would like your parents to cover. Assign them a particular part of the wedding, such as the rehearsal dinner, florals, reception venue and vendor costs. Feel free to break from traditions about who pays for what if, for example, both sets of parents will be contributing roughly the same amount, or one set of parents has their heart set on paying for a specific thing.
If the two of you are covering a portion of the expenses yourselves, one way of divvying up the overall wedding day budget is to ask your parents to pay for a segment of the guests attending, either by percentage or based on the number of family members (and family friends) that have RSVP'd to attend.
Avoid Comparisons
A gift is a gift—be thankful for any and all contributions from your parents and any other family members, too. Avoid comparisons between how much each side is giving and definitely be careful when it comes to telling your respective families how much the other side is contributing. As Rachel Wilkerson of Lover.ly, a search engine that helps brides-to-be save on costs, explains, “Weddings bring up a lot of expectations and social pressure for parents; telling them exactly how much your partner's family can afford can really sting. So avoid mentioning it and try to keep the conversation focused on the number that makes them most comfortable.”
Clarify Any Expectations
Will a financial contribution from either set of parents come with any strings attached? If one side of the family offers to pay for a majority of the wedding, will they expect to have more say when it comes to the wedding guest list, décor, wedding and reception location, even the menu? Make sure these type of expectations are clear from the get-go to avoid any surprises that may lead to wedding planning tension down the line.
FAQs
Of course, that's not to say to-be-weds don't receive any financial help from family members. Our study found that on average, parents contribute to 51% of the wedding budget, while couples cover the remaining 49%. So, how do you decide which rules to follow when it comes to who pays for what in a wedding?
Are parents still expected to pay for wedding? ›
A: While it was traditionally expected for parents to pay for weddings, societal norms have evolved, and financial responsibility is often shared among the couple and their families.
How much should parents contribute to a wedding? ›
How much do parents pay? On average, parents pay between 35-40% of the wedding costs. If you follow tradition, the bride's family is expected to meet the bigger portion of the wedding expenses. But since money is like a gift to your wedding, you should be thankful for what the parents offer.
At what age do parents stop paying for weddings? ›
So based on this data, it seems like once couples hit their late 30s or early 40s, parents pay for a smaller portion of the wedding, or don't contribute at all. In short, there is no age limit or exact etiquette for when parents do not pay for their children's wedding costs, says Tonya Hoopes, owner of Hoopes Events.
What do parents traditionally pay for wedding? ›
The groom's family traditionally paid for all costs associated with the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom paid for the bride's engagement ring, wedding ring, and groomsmen gifts. It is also common for the groom's family to pay for the alcohol at the reception.
Am I obligated to pay for my daughter's wedding? ›
If you are following the rules of tradition, the bride's family is expected to bear the brunt of the expenses including the wedding dress, bridesmaids' gifts, the wedding planner or coordinator, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, photography, the groom's wedding ring, music, any pre-wedding day meals for the ...
How much money should groom's parents give? ›
It used to be that the role of the bridegroom's parents was restricted to hosting the rehearsal dinner and leading him down the aisle, but that is no longer the case. In a recent poll by wedding enthusiasts, the Groom's parents cover up to 24% of the wedding costs.
How much should I give my daughter for her wedding? ›
Key Takeaways: Wedding experts advise starting cash giving at $100. You may want to adjust up to $500 based on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget and the cost of your attendance at the wedding. If your budget is really tight, you may want to consider buying a gift from the registry instead.
Is it still common for brides family to pay for wedding? ›
Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding, but that custom is rapidly changing. Couples are increasingly choosing to handle at least half of the wedding expenses on their own.
Is your dad supposed to pay for your wedding? ›
It shouldn't be a responsibility of your parents to contribute unless it is well within their means. This isn't 1952, a time when it was socially the thing a parent did (usually the brides family) to pay for it. It's not really a matter of etiquette as it is whether or not to stick with (outdated) social expectations.
The old-school etiquette books would dictate that the parents of the bride should foot most of the bill for the wedding but the reality is that most couples end up working together with their families to cover the cost.
Who pays for the wedding in Canada? ›
Who typically pays for a wedding? Traditionally, it was the bride's parents - they are hosting per the invitation, they pay the majority. These days, the groom's parents often kick in - they might pay for flowers, booze, the rehearsal dinner. The groom usually pays for the rings.
Do parents pay for their son's wedding? ›
These days, parents, on average, cover 52 percent of the budget while couples take on the remaining 48 percent, according to a recent report from The Knot.
Should you ask parents to pay for wedding? ›
Keep the conversation respectful.
You should do some preliminary wedding budget research ahead of the conversation, but we don't recommend going into the discussion expecting a certain amount of money. Any financial help from your parents is generous, so be sure to express your gratitude for whatever they can offer.
Who pays for a wedding in Canada? ›
Who typically pays for a wedding? Traditionally, it was the bride's parents - they are hosting per the invitation, they pay the majority. These days, the groom's parents often kick in - they might pay for flowers, booze, the rehearsal dinner. The groom usually pays for the rings.
