You've been invited to both a bridal shower and a wedding—congrats! It's always nice to know that friends or family members want you to participate in their special celebration and the events leading up to the big day. But one question guests are often faced with is whether you must purchase both a gift for the bridal shower and a gift for the wedding day.
If you're unsure about the proper etiquette around gift-giving during big wedding events, fear not. We ask an industry expert and etiquette extraordinaire all about the difference between bridal shower gifting and wedding gifts—and whether or not both are necessary for guests invited to both of these events.
Should I bring a gift to both the bridal shower and the wedding?
The short answer here is: Yes. Technically, these are two separate events, and traditionally, it is proper etiquette for guests to show up to the bridal shower with a gift, and also purchase a gift for the wedding (this is typically done via a wedding registry, but it's also fine to bring a present in-person to the wedding).
"Since these are two separate occasions, and often the registryfor both is different, sending or bringing a gift to each is appropriate," explains etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, owner ofThe Protocol School of Texas. "It's best to send the wedding gift ahead of time so you don’t have to carry it to the wedding," she notes.
What if I can't afford to bring a gift to both events?
We're no stranger to the fact that being a wedding guest can get very pricey, very fast. Between gifts, buying or renting an outfit, attending pre-wedding events, and travel/accommodation costs, being a wedding guest is expensive—especially when you have multiple weddings a year. If you're feeling like you can't swing purchasing both a bridal shower gift and a wedding shower gift, it's most likely that the marrying couple will understand—your presence is the real present!
If you do find yourself in this situation and want to give the couple a gift for both events, Gottsman recommends dividing your gift budget in half and splitting it between two smaller presents. "It’s all about how you spend your dollars on the gift," she explains. "If you are invited to a shower, it would probably be uncomfortable to show up without a gift, and the same for the wedding," she says. "However, spending a much smaller amount [each gift] and making them sentimental and meaningful—not expensive—is the key."
Should I send a gift to the couple if I can't attend the shower or the wedding?
If you're unable to attend the shower or the wedding (don't forget to RSVP on time!), Gotssman advises that whether or not to still send a gift is a bit nuanced. "It depends on the relationship you share," she says. "If you aren’t a good friend or family member, and you aren’t planning on attending either one (or only attending one), you can just bring a gift to the particular celebration you attend," she explains. "If you are a very close family member or friend, you can decide how you will feel the next time you see [the couple]." By this, she means if you think you'll be stressed about whether they'd notice that you didn't send a gift in lieu of your attendance, you should send one. However, if you think the couple simply won't mind either way, then it's fine to pass on the gift.
If you're not that close with the marrying couple (colleagues, newer friends, etc.) keep in mind that sending a congratulatory card in lieu of a gift is a nice idea. Kind words go a long way!
FAQs
Yes, traditional wedding gift etiquette indicates that if you've been invited to the bridal shower and to the wedding, you should bring a gift to both.
Are you supposed to give a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift? ›
Technically, these are two separate events, and traditionally, it is proper etiquette for guests to show up to the bridal shower with a gift, and also purchase a gift for the wedding (this is typically done via a wedding registry, but it's also fine to bring a present in-person to the wedding).
How much should you spend on a wedding gift and bridal shower gift? ›
They suggest the following breakdown: coworkers or distant relatives should spend 50 to 75 dollars. Friends or relatives, 75 to 100 dollars. For close friends, family members, or if you're in the wedding party, you should spend 100 to 150 dollars—or more.
Is $100 enough for a bridal shower gift? ›
As a rule, how much you spend on a bridal shower gift depends on your relationship with the couple. Most experts agree that $50 to $75 is an acceptable amount to spend on a bridal shower gift. Close friends and family members usually spend more than $100 on a bridal shower gift.
What is the etiquette for wedding gifts? ›
What follows are eight essential wedding gift etiquette rules and customs all guests need to know.
- Spend an Appropriate Amount. ...
- Budget for Other Expenses. ...
- Use the Couple's Wedding Registry. ...
- Cash is Completely Acceptable. ...
- Don't Bring the Gift to The Wedding. ...
- Send a Gift Before (or Soon After) the Wedding.
Since you'll most likely be giving the happy couple two gifts—one at the shower and one at the wedding—you don't need to break the bank on the bridal shower gift. You should plan to spend between $50 and $75 for a gift, though if the bride is a close friend or family member, you may prefer to spend up to $100.
What gift to bring to a bridal shower? ›
Gifts given at traditional bridal showers should have a focus on what the bride likes, wants, or needs. Common gift ideas include vases, cookware, champagne glasses, sleepwear, fine linens, picture frames, and home decor items. Any items specified on a bridal shower registry fall under this category.
How much money do you put in a card for a bridal shower? ›
A monetary gift is appropriate for a bridal shower; the best amount ranges between $50 and $100. Since cash isn't as personal, you'll want to ensure you're being generous. To make giving cash easy, ask the bride if she wants to set up a Braid Money Pool dedicated to her monetary gifts.
What is the average cash gift for a wedding? ›
According to the experts, the average wedding gift amount hovers right around $100 to $150, though that can increase or decrease based on how close you are to the couple and whether or not you're attending with a plus one.
Is $200 per person a good wedding gift? ›
Bottom line: There's no hard-and-fast rule on how much cash to give as a wedding gift. Wedding experts advise starting at $100. From there, you may want to adjust up to $500 based on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget and the cost of your attendance at the wedding.
The Average Cost of a Bridal Shower Gift
"Many people spend around $50 to $75, whereas closer friends and family may spend upwards of $100," she says. "However, the amount you want to spend is up to you."
Is $100 OK for wedding gift? ›
Luckily, the choice on how much to give at a wedding is really up to you. A good starting point: $100 per guest, the average gift amount according to Brides.com. Then, let these other factors help you decide whether to nudge that amount up or down.
What to write on a bridal shower card? ›
Bridal Shower Wishes for Your Friend
- After so many years of friendship, I've never seen you this happy. ...
- Best wishes for a lifetime of happiness together.
- Here's to a joyous life together as you embark upon this love-filled journey.
- May the two of you continue to love unconditionally. ...
- I can't wait to celebrate true love.
Yes, you should purchase both a wedding gift and a wedding shower gift, but they don't have to be of equal value.
Is it rude not to give a wedding gift? ›
In most cases, you don't have have to send a wedding gift; this is particularly true if you RSVP no to a coworker or distant relative's nuptials. You might, however, still want to send the couple a present if you are close, but simply can't attend due to scheduling conflicts.
Is it better to give cash or check for wedding gift? ›
Catey Hill, resident financial expert at David's Bridal, says it's perfectly fine guests to write out a check to you. She says many brides and grooms actually prefer it. On average the typical cash gift is around $150, she says.
What to bring to a bridal shower if I already sent a gift? ›
If you're unable to travel with your gift or waited too long to order something, having it sent directly to the bride is fine, but since she probably won't bring it with her, arrive at the shower with a card that hints at the present so she knows or can be reminded that you've sent it separately.
Are bridal shower and wedding registry the same? ›
Bridal shower registries focus on fun, personal gifts for the bride-to-be, while wedding registries have essentials for the couple's new life together. Think of pampering items for bridal shower registries and practical items like cookware for wedding registries.
Do you send a gift to a bridal shower if you are not attending? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that you don't have to send a gift to the bride if you can't attend the bridal shower. “However,” she says, “if the bride herself is a close friend or family member, you may want to consider sending a gift, but that would depend on your relationship with the bride.”
What is a wedding shower vs. bridal shower? ›
“The wedding shower is co-ed and inclusive of anyone the couple wants to include in the celebrations,” says Martens. “Simply put, a wedding shower is for the couple and a bridal shower is for the bride.”
