It’s important to gather questions to ask your bridesmaids. They are a huge part of your wedding. Questions can help you both understand what you’re getting into, before they even agree to take on the role.
Here’s the thing. Being a bridesmaid can be a big deal. There are financial commitments. Time commitments. Expectations. And, when you’re planning a wedding, you don’t want to leave anything up to chance. Yes, you may love a certain family member or friend like a sibling, but it’s crucial to still vet if being in your wedding is right for them, at this point in their life. Once you know the questions to ask your bridesmaids, you’ll both be able to make an informed choice about their involvement.
Based on the answers to the questions, both of you can get on the same page. Asking questions isn’t about interviewing someone for a role. Rather, it’s to help you both understand how much involvement the bridesmaid can give the wedding. Yes, of course, no matter what, you’ll likely still want this person to be, or continue to be, a bridesmaid in your wedding. It’s not like these questions to ask your bridesmaids are about “weeding” anyone out. It’s more about level setting what you can both anticipate from each other, so there is no confusion. More on that later.
13 Questions To Ask Your Bridesmaids (To See How Involved They Will Be)
This post is going to share with you thirteen questions to ask your bridesmaids. These questions are meant to help you both form a plan so they can show up for your wedding in the best way that they are able. The questions will help you both agree on what level of involvement your bridesmaid should have. And, the questions are all geared towards preventing hurt feelings later on. In short, asking these questions is a good thing. Without them, and you’re flying a bit blind.
Let’s get into it!
1. DO YOU WANT TO BE IN MY WEDDING?
First things first. Ask your potential bridesmaids if they want to be in your wedding. And, be okay with their honest answer.
At first ask, most of your friends and family will respond right away with a yes. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is a flattering request. Very rarely is it turned down. However, even if someone accepts the proposal, they should still be asked some follow up questions. And, if they don’t accept, they have their reasons and you’ll have to come to peace with the situation.
2. DO YOU HAVE TIME TO BE IN MY WEDDING?
One thing many people don’t realize, when they accept a bridesmaid proposal, is the time commitment it can require.
Being a bridesmaid is more than just showing up for the wedding. There are pre-wedding events like engagement parties, showers, and bachelorettes. In some cases, the bridesmaid may be involved in planning these events, which takes time. Travel may be required, too, meaning time away from the bridesmaid’s life.
Additionally, many bridesmaids join the bride while she searches for her dress. And, they may be required to help choose their own dress. There may also be requests to help with planning the wedding. Plus, bridesmaids usually show up a day or two early for the wedding, joining the rehearsal and dinner, and spending all of the wedding day with the bride.
It can be a lot.
Once someone says they want to be in your wedding, check with them on any limitations they may have with joining pre-wedding events and planning. See if you can work together to compromise, if needed. Asking this question will help mediate any confusion and mixed feelings later on.
3. ARE YOU AVAILABLE DURING (INSERT POTENTIAL BRIDAL SHOWER DATE, BACHELORETTE DATE, WEDDING DATE)
Delving a bit deeper into questions to ask your bridesmaids about their availability, let’s actually get into the dates of things.
Here’s the scenario. You can ask your bridesmaid if they have time to be in your wedding, and they will likely say they can make time. Then you ask your bridesmaid if they are available during a certain weekend or month to attend your bachelorette, and they let you know that time doesn’t work. However, they likely have another time that does. You both can spot conflicts by talking about timing, before they become an issue.
Early on in wedding planning you likely don’t know when your pre-wedding events will be, or even your wedding date. It’s all good, but a general idea, and some basic questions about future plans, will help you and your bridesmaids both plan your lives.
4. CAN YOU AFFORD THE COST OF A DRESS, TRAVEL, ETC?
Once you settle the time commitments of being a bridesmaid, it’s time for questions to ask your bridesmaids about finances.
Being a bridesmaid can be expensive. The bridesmaid dress, contributing to the bridal shower, travel and contributions for the bachelorette, travel to the wedding, gifts, and miscellaneous charges can all add up quickly. Of course, many brides will attempt to make things affordable, but still, being a bridesmaid isn’t free.
Be sure to address any financial constraints early on. Ask your bridesmaids if they have any personal things going on that will prevent them from participating in your wedding to the fullest. See if you can work with them. In some cases, you may both realize that they can’t afford to be in your wedding. This is okay, and something you’d want to know as early as possible.
5. WHAT KIND OF PRE-WEDDING EVENTS WOULD YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN PLANNING?
Let’s move on to the fun stuff.
As touched on before, being a bridesmaid means you’re involved in the wedding. Are you the ringleader? Usually the maid of honor takes that role. However, nothing is set in stone when it comes to wedding participation. So, questions to ask your bridesmaids should include those about what they’d like to participate in.
Maybe you have a bridesmaid who loves planning events. Or is very crafty. Perhaps your bridesmaid has a flair for style and creating looks. Asking questions about pre-wedding events they would like to be involved in, and at what level, is key. Get a feel for what they enjoys. Then, delegate as needed as you progress with your wedding planning.
6. DO YOU HAVE ANY PREFERENCE REGARDING THE BRIDESMAID “LOOK” AT THE WEDDING?
For most weddings, the bride will help decide what the bridesmaids wear to the wedding. This can range from giving the bridesmaids the choice to wear whatever they want to picking out the dresses for them.
Be sure to ask your bridesmaids about what they would like to wear to your wedding. And, maybe, what they would not like to wear. Some people have strong opinions about the colors that look best on them. Others do not feel comfortable with tight clothes around their stomachs. Or, showing off their arms. Maybe your bridesmaids can’t wear heals. Whatever is going on, have the conversation early their preferences. This will help you form a vision about what everyone will wear, and feel comfortable in.
7. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE OTHER POTENTIAL BRIDESMAIDS?
I once wrote a whole post about avoiding bridesmaid drama, and you can find it here.
Look, drama happens. Shyness happens. Some people in your wedding party may not know each other. Or, they know each other, and they don’t like each other. The key for questions to ask your bridesmaids that have to do with the other bridesmaids is to try and spot trouble areas.
You may need to help everyone get to know each other before a big pre-wedding event (you can find ideas for that in this post). Or, you may need to make sure that certain people avoid each other or have minimal interaction. The point here is to make sure that everyone is comfortable enough to work together and make your wedding experience amazing, despite their comfort level.
8. DO YOU SEE ANY OBSTACLES, PERSONALLY OR PROFESSIONALLY, THAT WILL MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO BE IN MY WEDDING?
You and your bridesmaids may have already hashed this question out a bit in previous conversations, but let’s re-visit it to make sure we’re really catching the full answer.
You need to ask your bridesmaids if they think anything may come up that will impact their ability to be in your wedding. They may have a health issue. Or, perhaps they are planning to get pregnant. Maybe they are getting married themselves, or have a big project to deal with at work. The bridesmaid may be moving soon, or making a big life change with their relationship.
Asking the question gets it all out there, so when the thing comes up and impacts the bridesmaid’s involvement in your wedding, you’re prepared for it. You knew this may come up, and it’ll be okay. Again, all of this is geared towards a smooth wedding experience that leaves you calm and in control.
9. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEDDING PLANNING ADVICE FOR ME?
Last major question to ask your bridesmaids. Do they have any wedding planning advice?
Look, maybe your bridesmaids are married. Chances are, they’ve been to their share of weddings. This may not be their first time as a bridesmaid. Take the opportunity to check in with their advice. What do they like about weddings? What have they seen in the past that they enjoyed? Listen to their ideas and opinions and then do what you want with them. The bridesmaid will feel valued, and you may learn some things.
FOUR MORE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR BRIDESMAIDS:
This last section is about questions to ask your bridesmaids that are important, but don’t warrant a deep dive. Be sure to ask them, though. They will help you understand your bridesmaid’s experience, and how they can help with your wedding.
10. Would you be able to help with DIY projects?
Some bridesmaids are super crafty. Maybe you’re crafty, too. If so, you can potentially work together. If not, maybe you can delegate things to them. Crafty friends are cool, and DIY projects can be really fun, if you know what you’re doing.
11. Do you know any amazing vendors?
Vendors often give discounts to those who are referred to them. Be sure to ask your bridesmaids if they have recommendations.
12. Will you be bringing a date to the wedding?
Sometimes plus ones, or dates, are a grey area. For any unattached or unmarried bridesmaids, the subject of bringing a date may be a touchy one. This is doubly true if you’re having a head table, where the wedding party sits with the newlyweds instead of their date. A simple heads up from the bridesmaid about bringing a date, and a heads up from you about her not sitting with them, will help you both plan accordingly.
13. Are you comfortable with public speaking?
This may not be a big deal if you know your maid of honor will give a speech, but you may want to understand your bridesmaid’s thoughts on public speaking. Maybe you’ll ask her to read something at the ceremony. Or say something at the rehearsal dinner. Getting on the same page early on will help you form your vision.
THOUGHTS ON QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR BRIDESMAIDS
Friends, hopefully this post on questions to ask your bridesmaids was helpful. The main purpose of each question is to gather information that will be useful later. Useful with helping you plan your wedding, and useful to prevent confusion and drama, too. Even if some questions are awkward to ask, they are still worth learning the answers so you and your bridesmaids can each have an amazing wedding experience. Happy wedding planning!
More On Bridesmaids From Hummingbird Wedding Advice
Why Being A Bridesmaid Is Such An Honor
How To Fire A Bridesmaid
10 Tips For The Pregnant Bridesmaid
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